Change

Change is something that affects everyone in a variety of ways. It is something that we go through all of our lives, and it can be very smooth and easy, or it can be difficult and trying. These various changes help to shape us and make us who we are. Change is something that I have been dealing with and even struggling with over the past few years, not only watching others change around me, but seeing how I have changed through various situations. Change is inevitable.

One major thing I have learned is that you can't change people. No matter how much you may try, the only way a person can change is if they made the decision to change themselves. I'm the type of person that if something is wrong between me and a friend, I feel the need to fix it and to make it better. In order for a relationship to work, both people have to be willing to put effort in and be willing to work together. You can't change how other people act or how they choose to live their lives. The only person we can chance is ourselves. This was so hard for me to learn; I can only make choices for me and no one else.

Another main change that many of us deal with and that I have been dealing with is the change of myself. Graduating and coming to college is in itself a major change, and in the semester and a half that I have been at college, I have already changed a lot. My outlook on people and life has changed a lot for the better, but it interesting to look back at how I was last year and see how I am now. College is a time when people find out who they are apart from those that they have grown up with and apart from their families. It allows us to find out what we believe for ourselves because we are on our own. This is a change that I feel everyone should go through at one point or another.

What I would like those who read this blog to get out of it is this: change is vital. Another this is to realize that you can't change people. If people around you are bringing you down, as hard as it is and as much as it may hurt you, the only thing you can do is change yourself. A lot of times, change is very hard to go through and at the time we may not realize how these changes could possibly be helpful to us, but in the end they will make us stronger.

"Break My Heart for What Breaks Yours"

Over the past year or so, I have come to realize how broken our world is. People are broken, families are broken, and countries are broken. Things are just clearly at a very broken state, and we all are affected by it in one way or another.

On my drive home from my camp, Suncrest Camp, last summer, I began to think of a line from the song Hosanna by Hillsong. I began to think of how broken our world is. I began to feel how heavy my heart had become and truly broken it is for those who are suffering around me. There are things that are extremely wrong with this world that show that this is not how it is supposed to be. We know that this is not the way it's supposed to be because we have a longing for something better, something unbroken.

Empathy is a word that I have learned the meaning to in a great way. Empathy is feeling what others feel. A friend of mine once told me, "You can walk with someone and feel what they feel." This has stuck with me so much and when I meet someone, or talk to a friend who is struggling, I try to really put myself in their position. Because of this, I am able to get a glimpse of how they are feeling.

These are some things that I have come up with that my heart has broken for:

My heart is broken for a family who just lost their son and brother.
My heart is broken to see those that I love leave and move away.
My heart is broken when my friend tells me that her parents split up.
It's broken when I hear about an old friend who is heading down a wrong path, someone I once knew so well, and now I don't know at all.
My heart is broken from memories of let downs.
It's broken when I talk to girls at camp who feel rejected by their parents, out of touch with God, and unloved.
It's broken when I talked to a friend who seems like they have it all together, to find out they don't, simply because I want to be able to help them more.

After a few weeks into the fall semester, I added more to this list as I began to meet more people and discover their stories.

My heart breaks for the girl whose father is sick.
It breaks when my heart for God is not where it should be, and I can hear His heart breaking in turn.
My heart breaks to he who has lost a life he once knew because it left him without a sound.
My heart breaks when it's reminded of how we're not promised tomorrow.
It breaks to see a girl with disabilities to simply want friends, yet always continues to love Christ,
To see my friend be kind to her even when no one is watching him.
My heart is broken for those who are judged to quickly when they just want a chance.
My heart is broken when I can't just jump the fence to pick up trash.

I have been praying that the Lord would "break my heart for what breaks yours." I know that He has. God has broken my heart so that I can try to do something about the brokenness of this world, even if it is just praying for these people and just being there to listen to them.

How Much Time is Left?

As a college student, I am beginning to think more and more about my life and my career when I "grow up." I think about how someday I will get married and have my own kids, and about where I will live and where God will take me. It is fun to think about these things, but over the past six months or so, I have had the thought, "What if I never get there?" Do you know what I mean? What if I'm not supposed to do all of those things? It is a pretty scary thought and the only reason I'm bringing it up is because I'm urging you (whoever reads this) to live your life NOW. Don't put things off; if you can accomplish something today, than do it.

Almost six months ago now, a friend of mine that had graduated a year ahead of me unexpectedly and tragically died. This was someone who was so full of life and joy that it came as a great shock to get the news that he had died, as does any death. Alex Heidengren (bottom left) loved the Lord and showed this love in his words and actions. He had been working at a camp when he tragically drowned. He had been very young and his death made me do a lot of thinking. Alex and I weren't best friends, but we always said hi to each other and he always greeted me with a smile. His sister and I had also become close during my senior year. This is someone who was such an example to everyone around him of how a Christian and lover of Christ should act. The news made me think that our life could be over before we know it and it made me remember that no one is promised tomorrow. Alex was a very talented piano player and because of this talent, although he in no longer with us on earth, I know he is playing those keys for Jesus.

This past week I was once again awakened to the idea that life is short. I had gotten a text from my Dad saying that he really needed to talk to me and to call him as soon as I could. Later that night when I got done working out, I gave him a call only to receive some shocking news. My Uncle Kevin had been killed in a skiing accident that day, Monday I'm pretty sure. I haven't seen my Uncle Kevin in nearly ten years because he lives in Colorado, and he isn't my uncle by blood. Kevin had been one of my Dad's long time best friends. I can still remember going out to visit when I was only about nine years old and Uncle Kevin teaching me how to ski. I remember how much fun it was and how much he made me laugh. I even remember him pulling me out of a hole that I had accidently skied into. That was a very memorable trip. Kevin has a ten year old son and was the hockey coach of his son's team. From what my Dad has told me, Kevin was very involved in Chases' life and I can't imagine what Chase is now going through.

These two seperate events have reminded me that no one in invincible. No matter how young you are, no matter how skilled you are at something you love, no one is able to cheat death. Being a Christian I try to live my life every day for God. No, I don't always pray or read my Bible, but I always try to act in a way that displays Christ's love to those around me. I will always dream of my life after college and I will always want it to happen, but I also will continue to be ready for the day that God decides to take me home.

One more question that you are probably asking yourself, why does God let bad/sad things happen to good people or people who don't deserve it? I had always asked this question as well and I finally got an answer that makes complete sense. This past Wednesday at the Eastern University chapel service, Tony Campolo brought up a point that I had never really thought of before. He was talking about the Haiti tragedy, but this can definitely apply to various aspects of life. He said, "God is not in charge of the evils of this world. God is in the midst of everything and He will bring good out of it." God does have a plan and reason for things that happen to us and to those that we love. We have to trust that. Bad things will happen, but as Tony said, the Evil One (Satan) is still present in this world and can cause a lot of damage as well. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding," Proverbs 3:5.