Inspired

Everyone has at least one person in their life who has influenced them in some way, and if we're honest there is probably more than one person who has inspired you at a different time in your life. I can think of several very influential people that I have come into contact with who have either helped to shape who I am, or to inspire me to do better. There is one person who will always stick out in my mind as being my leader. It may sound cliche, but the person who inspires me the most is my mom.

Ever since I was little girl, I've been taught to work hard for everything you get and to always try your best. Another thing I've learned is to never take what you have for granted. My mother has always worked hard for everything we've ever had and watching her do so has not only taught me to work hard, but to be thankful for what I have as well. She also had tp trust in God to take care of us for a lot of the time because there were times when she just couldn't seem to make ends meet. I can honestly say that because of her faithfulness, I have seen miracles happen.

Lastly, she taught me how to be a servant. As Christians, we are taught to put others before ourselves and to love with a servant's heart. My mom always put us before herself, and she also put others before herself. If anyone needed her help, she would go out of her way to help them and to be there for them. I am now seeing this in my own life. To me, this is where I find joy; in serving others.

Again, I could have named a number of people who have inspired me in my life, but my mom will always stand strong in my life.

At the Beach With Jac

Last sunday, my friend Jackie and I decided to take a spontaneous adventure to New Jersey to go to the beach. I had never been to the beach and was excited for the much needed getaway with my good friend. We got in her car and drove the would-be-hour long trip to the shore, but it took us a good two hours to get there because of various circumstances. Upon arriving at the scene, my breath was taken away. We walked up and down the beach and then finally decided to sit and read. As I began reading, these words came to me and I decided to write them down in my journal:


As I sit and read, the sand fills my pages.
The color is that of sugar,
And the sweetness of the scene is enough to wash away the bitterness of the day.
God creates the most beautiful scenes;
Ones that calm our hearts of all worries.
Spontaneous adventures remind us to live for today.
We can't throw temper tantrums when we don't get our way,
But understand that God knows more than we.
The journey it took to get us here is the same as that of our walk with God.
It wasn't easy, it took longer than expected, and we found stuff out along the way.
God doesn't simply care about where we end up, but about the journey as well.
He doesn't say it's easy.
There will be road blocks and cop cars, and things won't happen when we want them to,
But we'll learn along the way.
And in the end, God will take us to our beautiful destination,
Whether it be a sunny, continuous beach, or some beauty that we can't fathom.

L.O.V.E.

A question that is commonly asked by many teenagers today is: What is love? Well, love doesn't have to be between and girl and guy, but can be viewed within friendships, strangers, and enemies. This is just a short post to show what love is from a Biblical perspective.

1 Corinthians 13: 1-13 says:
1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

This passage is one that is used for wedding vowels and when you put these words into action, the difference is amazing.

Choices Are Devastating

I have encountered many points in my life where I have been faced with potentially life changing choices. Choices dealing with anything from relationships, to classes, or what to do with my day. I have had points in my life where I can see the choice in front of me, and if either way has different consequences and will take me down a different path.

One choice that has affected me this semester was whether or not to begin a relationship with someone or not. This may seem like a girly topic, but I know guys go through it too. The person who is my perspective "special someone" is someone who makes me very happy and we always have a great time, but at the same time we both know that summer is coming very quickly and we're stuck between enjoying each other's company and having to say goodbye. This is a choice that has been very difficult and it seems that in the end all roads may lead to each of us feeling a little bit of pain, which obviously neither of us want.

Another major choice I had to make occured three years ago, and it has affected me ever since. I was in a relationship that meant a lot to me, yet I felt at the point in my life we were no longer supposed to be together. I had to choose between my feelings for him and losing him for the time being. In the end, I chose to break up with him and this choice effected our relationship for the next three years. It was emotionally devastating.

The first example of a choice that I gave is one that we do not yet know the outcome of. It has been on my heart and mind and is still something that I am not ready to choose. The second example is one that we have discovered the consequences to, and I still find myself questioning if I did the right thing or not. I suppose that I did, because I learned a lot and it gave me the opportunity to discover new people and new experiences. Choices affect us in many ways, and although they are difficult and after we choose it may not seem right, they determine the course for the rest of our lives. Choices should not be made drastically for this reason. They should be well thought out a reasoned. Everyone has choices. Everyone makes decisions. How you handle them is what matters.

Dieting vs. Healthy Living

An issue that is effecting many teens, especially girls, is the issue of weight and how they look. Our culture has taught girls that in order to be beautiful they must be size zero and look like all of the celebrities. This leads to many harmful side effects, such as harmful diets or worse...eating disorders. But that is a seperate topic.

This semester I have come in to contact with a couple of girls who clearly do not need to be on a diet, but they are. These girls are alreadu fit and in shape, yet they persist on being thinner. If they gain a few pounds they freak out and get really nervous...that is just not healthy. One of the girls went out with us to the Cheesecake Factory for our friends birthday and had a little bit of cheesecake. That night, she had a dream that she gained five pounds.

Living healthy and excercising is definetly a good thing and could help stop future health problems from arising. But there is a difference between living healthy and being obsessive. There comes a point when dieting becomes obsessive and unhealthy. There is no need to go to the gym every single day for two hours each day. Our bodies need a break and should not be pushed to this extent. As far as eating goes, certain foods are good in moderation. It's when we abuse the snacks and sugary foods that they become unhealthy, but a piece of cheesecake for a friend's birthday is fine.

This is just a topic that I have been feeling passionate about lately, and watching my friends obsess over it is getting sad to watch.

"Everything"

As I have already written in a previous blog, I have been trouble figuring out my identity throughout this academic school year. I have been faced with more changes and more choices than I knew what to do with and it became overwhelming. Going through all of these changes, I have felt the distance between me and God grow increasingly larger. I didn't realize how much I had been putting before my relationship with Him until this past week when I went to West Virginia with Eastern University's Habitat for Humanity group. Here is where I realized just how much I had forgotten who I was. On my trip, I had rediscovered who I am. It's a process that will take time, but I have come back to the realization that I am a daughter of my Lord Jesus Christ. That is the best start I could think of to getting back to the real me.

When I was in high school, I had taken part in my school's theater arts group. As one of our skits, and because I went to a Christian school, we performed the "Everything Skit" by Lifehouse. In it I portrayed the girl who had been walking with Christ for a time and then many things of this world came between the girl and Christ. The skit shows how Christ fights to win us back into His loving arms. In my battle of figuring out who I am, I have thought a lot about this skit, and although I do not have a recording of my school's performance of the skit, I have found this one on YouTube.


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This skit is one of the most powerful skits I have every seen or been a part of. When I watch this video I get the chills and I usually even tear up. Now that I have had this struggle with my identity, I can relate to this video even more than before. I hope everyone who watches this is able to feel the powerfulness of it.

Time Management

Since being in college, I have become very bad at managing my time. This is a task that everyone must conquer at some point in their life. Managing our time is essential in succeeding and prioritizing.

In high school, I was very good at managing my time and I think it was because I had to be good at it. Often times, the more a student is involved with, the better they are at managing their time. In high school, I was involved in sports almost year round, and during my junior and senior years, I had a job. Being involved of all these things, I only had a certain amount of time to do my homework and I had to complete it within that time. Whenever a student is not involved in extra activities, they think they have all the time in the world to do their work and so they put it off until the last minute, or until it's too late.

When we manage our time properly, there is a lot less stress, and let's be honest, no one needs stress. This is just a blog to get you thinking about how you're managing your time. Short and sweet. Learn how to manage your time now and it will pay off in the end.

Change

Change is something that affects everyone in a variety of ways. It is something that we go through all of our lives, and it can be very smooth and easy, or it can be difficult and trying. These various changes help to shape us and make us who we are. Change is something that I have been dealing with and even struggling with over the past few years, not only watching others change around me, but seeing how I have changed through various situations. Change is inevitable.

One major thing I have learned is that you can't change people. No matter how much you may try, the only way a person can change is if they made the decision to change themselves. I'm the type of person that if something is wrong between me and a friend, I feel the need to fix it and to make it better. In order for a relationship to work, both people have to be willing to put effort in and be willing to work together. You can't change how other people act or how they choose to live their lives. The only person we can chance is ourselves. This was so hard for me to learn; I can only make choices for me and no one else.

Another main change that many of us deal with and that I have been dealing with is the change of myself. Graduating and coming to college is in itself a major change, and in the semester and a half that I have been at college, I have already changed a lot. My outlook on people and life has changed a lot for the better, but it interesting to look back at how I was last year and see how I am now. College is a time when people find out who they are apart from those that they have grown up with and apart from their families. It allows us to find out what we believe for ourselves because we are on our own. This is a change that I feel everyone should go through at one point or another.

What I would like those who read this blog to get out of it is this: change is vital. Another this is to realize that you can't change people. If people around you are bringing you down, as hard as it is and as much as it may hurt you, the only thing you can do is change yourself. A lot of times, change is very hard to go through and at the time we may not realize how these changes could possibly be helpful to us, but in the end they will make us stronger.

"Break My Heart for What Breaks Yours"

Over the past year or so, I have come to realize how broken our world is. People are broken, families are broken, and countries are broken. Things are just clearly at a very broken state, and we all are affected by it in one way or another.

On my drive home from my camp, Suncrest Camp, last summer, I began to think of a line from the song Hosanna by Hillsong. I began to think of how broken our world is. I began to feel how heavy my heart had become and truly broken it is for those who are suffering around me. There are things that are extremely wrong with this world that show that this is not how it is supposed to be. We know that this is not the way it's supposed to be because we have a longing for something better, something unbroken.

Empathy is a word that I have learned the meaning to in a great way. Empathy is feeling what others feel. A friend of mine once told me, "You can walk with someone and feel what they feel." This has stuck with me so much and when I meet someone, or talk to a friend who is struggling, I try to really put myself in their position. Because of this, I am able to get a glimpse of how they are feeling.

These are some things that I have come up with that my heart has broken for:

My heart is broken for a family who just lost their son and brother.
My heart is broken to see those that I love leave and move away.
My heart is broken when my friend tells me that her parents split up.
It's broken when I hear about an old friend who is heading down a wrong path, someone I once knew so well, and now I don't know at all.
My heart is broken from memories of let downs.
It's broken when I talk to girls at camp who feel rejected by their parents, out of touch with God, and unloved.
It's broken when I talked to a friend who seems like they have it all together, to find out they don't, simply because I want to be able to help them more.

After a few weeks into the fall semester, I added more to this list as I began to meet more people and discover their stories.

My heart breaks for the girl whose father is sick.
It breaks when my heart for God is not where it should be, and I can hear His heart breaking in turn.
My heart breaks to he who has lost a life he once knew because it left him without a sound.
My heart breaks when it's reminded of how we're not promised tomorrow.
It breaks to see a girl with disabilities to simply want friends, yet always continues to love Christ,
To see my friend be kind to her even when no one is watching him.
My heart is broken for those who are judged to quickly when they just want a chance.
My heart is broken when I can't just jump the fence to pick up trash.

I have been praying that the Lord would "break my heart for what breaks yours." I know that He has. God has broken my heart so that I can try to do something about the brokenness of this world, even if it is just praying for these people and just being there to listen to them.

How Much Time is Left?

As a college student, I am beginning to think more and more about my life and my career when I "grow up." I think about how someday I will get married and have my own kids, and about where I will live and where God will take me. It is fun to think about these things, but over the past six months or so, I have had the thought, "What if I never get there?" Do you know what I mean? What if I'm not supposed to do all of those things? It is a pretty scary thought and the only reason I'm bringing it up is because I'm urging you (whoever reads this) to live your life NOW. Don't put things off; if you can accomplish something today, than do it.

Almost six months ago now, a friend of mine that had graduated a year ahead of me unexpectedly and tragically died. This was someone who was so full of life and joy that it came as a great shock to get the news that he had died, as does any death. Alex Heidengren (bottom left) loved the Lord and showed this love in his words and actions. He had been working at a camp when he tragically drowned. He had been very young and his death made me do a lot of thinking. Alex and I weren't best friends, but we always said hi to each other and he always greeted me with a smile. His sister and I had also become close during my senior year. This is someone who was such an example to everyone around him of how a Christian and lover of Christ should act. The news made me think that our life could be over before we know it and it made me remember that no one is promised tomorrow. Alex was a very talented piano player and because of this talent, although he in no longer with us on earth, I know he is playing those keys for Jesus.

This past week I was once again awakened to the idea that life is short. I had gotten a text from my Dad saying that he really needed to talk to me and to call him as soon as I could. Later that night when I got done working out, I gave him a call only to receive some shocking news. My Uncle Kevin had been killed in a skiing accident that day, Monday I'm pretty sure. I haven't seen my Uncle Kevin in nearly ten years because he lives in Colorado, and he isn't my uncle by blood. Kevin had been one of my Dad's long time best friends. I can still remember going out to visit when I was only about nine years old and Uncle Kevin teaching me how to ski. I remember how much fun it was and how much he made me laugh. I even remember him pulling me out of a hole that I had accidently skied into. That was a very memorable trip. Kevin has a ten year old son and was the hockey coach of his son's team. From what my Dad has told me, Kevin was very involved in Chases' life and I can't imagine what Chase is now going through.

These two seperate events have reminded me that no one in invincible. No matter how young you are, no matter how skilled you are at something you love, no one is able to cheat death. Being a Christian I try to live my life every day for God. No, I don't always pray or read my Bible, but I always try to act in a way that displays Christ's love to those around me. I will always dream of my life after college and I will always want it to happen, but I also will continue to be ready for the day that God decides to take me home.

One more question that you are probably asking yourself, why does God let bad/sad things happen to good people or people who don't deserve it? I had always asked this question as well and I finally got an answer that makes complete sense. This past Wednesday at the Eastern University chapel service, Tony Campolo brought up a point that I had never really thought of before. He was talking about the Haiti tragedy, but this can definitely apply to various aspects of life. He said, "God is not in charge of the evils of this world. God is in the midst of everything and He will bring good out of it." God does have a plan and reason for things that happen to us and to those that we love. We have to trust that. Bad things will happen, but as Tony said, the Evil One (Satan) is still present in this world and can cause a lot of damage as well. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding," Proverbs 3:5.

Who Am I?

Over the past couple of months, I have slowly but surely lost track of who I am. I know this is a question that many of us struggle with. It is a question of identity and where we find our identity is key.

I was reading a book called, Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller, the other day rather randomly, and the chapter that I was on was talking about our identity. Where do we find our self worth? Too often we let what other people think of us determine our worth, or whether or not someone likes us. Why is that? Growing up we're taught that everyone is equal, so why do we let others define who we are? We're all human; we ALL fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23).

Through the past two weeks, I have been struggling with one of my friendships in particular. I realized that this relationship has defined who I am here at school because it started right away and I never had time to give myself foundations as a college student. Through talking to my good friend John about my struggles, he said exactly what I had been thinking about all week, "You can't let others define you." When I decided to put the struggling friendship on hold, I was so lost and confused. I didn't know what to do without my best friend. But John put into words what I had been thinking. In another rough past relationship I came to the conclusion that often times we as humans put so much time and effort into another person that you are actually putting a piece of yourself into that person, and the act of saying goodbye is like saying goodbye to yourself.

As a Christian, I have been learning more and more that our identity is to be found in Christ alone. In the book Searching for God Knows What, I also read about how we are to find our glory in God and not in other people. As much as we hope that other humans will not let us down, they will. God stands firm, never changing, always there. Thus, this is where we should look to for our identity. Another friend of mine gave me a bracelet the other day not knowing that I would take so much meaning to what is written on the bracelet. It says, "We ALL cast the SAME shadow." Think about this. We are equal and no one is better than anyone else. So, why do we let others tell us and make us think that we're not good enough?

My last point on this topic came up in a chapel service at Eastern University last Wednesday. Mr. Soaries, a pastor and father of a current student at EU, spoke and he said a lot of very powerful things that really hit me hard and made me think. One thing he said was, "Discover who you are instead of trying to be someone else." This is my challenge to whoever reads this and a challenge for me. We all struggle.